1) My right boot always comes untied, never the left boot.
2) I'm always a close 2nd, but never first or far behind.
3) "even steven", No matter what i do, everything always comes out even. (If i lose something, i'll find something on the ground the next day)
4) The one time i do something different is the VERY time that i should have been doing it the same as before.
I've got a story that i heard in a movie once (though modified a little through poor memory)...
Once there was this little bird who was flying south for the winter. The bird flew into a snow storm, froze solid, and fell to the ground. Just when he was a bout to die, a cow walking by crapped on top of the bird. The warmth thawed the bird and the bird became happy. The bird was so happy, he started singing and moving around a little. Just then, a cat came up and paw'ed away a little crap off the top to see what was making the noise. Once seeing the bird, the cat had decided it found itself a meal and ate the little bird.
The moral of the story is; not everyone that shits on you is your enemy, and not everyone that tries to get you out of crap is your friend.